It was the tail ends of November ’20.
After I had been witnessing how all that I had in life crumbled in front of me all throughout 2020, I had completely given up on life. Honestly.
I had slowly but surely, started to assume that there was nothing left for me in store, so I’d become a grey person who would reopen the family business, move on my own and numb my sorrows with large amounts of nothingness.
But we’re human. And I started to feel more lonely than ever in that miserable existence I predicted awaited for me.
I looked myself at the mirror and thought, what have you become?
You look like an empty shell of the bright woman you once were.
You have given up on yourself.
Tracksuits, ponytails and reading glasses had become my new normal. I just wanted to be invisible.
Still, I wanted to see if all was lost as I assumed it or I still had it within me.
And so, I logged online seeking for validation. Mere validation. I wasn’t looking for anything at all. I didn’t want anyone to approach to me for my wounds were so recent they still hurt.
How could I do that?
Easy, I went and look for validation in a faraway place, where nobody could come and meet me. I would log into the other side of the planet so I could get my confirmation or denial and leave quietly, silently, without nobody showing up at my doorstep.
This way, I would get the confirmation from strangers that the battle was lost and I would surrender.
And then you showed up.
Unknowingly, you constructed a sentence that put my autopilot mode on a halt and it turned all my tables upside down.
Without me asking, or you knowing, you said exactly what I needed to hear.
I want to thank you for that.
I didn’t think much about it, after all, you were half the world away.
But there was something about you, about your eyes and the way you wore your hair that told me you were one of a kind.
And so I granted you access to my inaccessible Instagram account.
And then I started scrolling down, I had nothing better to do.
And then I saw that photo of you. And I started crying. Ugly crying. Sobbing to be exact.
I had dreamt about that person on the photo on numerous occasions yet I had never met that person in real life. It was the one that had been visiting me on my dreams countless times over the past years.
You with your glasses, your brown hair, your genuine smile that closed your eyes and those faint dimples.
I was lost for words.
Needless to say, in order to not sound like a creep I kept this to myself. All of all the humans that might exist, the one that I thought was a fabrication of my subconscious mind was speaking to me in this very moment.
I cried, because I knew. Because when you know, you know.
How could it be, that me seeking of some attention would stumble upon my future?
And I got scared. Truly scared. I thought I had been in love before. I was heartbroken.
And all of the sudden, you had taken my heartbreak and demolished it. You were it.
I felt something that I haven’t told you yet: I felt true love.
I am a strong woman.
Life has made me strong.
Why did this happen to me?
