One year to this day my life as it were came to an end. I wasn’t aware that I was, in fact, assisting at the funeral of my previous existence.
Life had something better in store for me, and the vessel needed to be emptied to make room for the new. But it’s taken me some time to discover that everything happens for a reason.
It had been a crazy weekend that had left me exhausted, and all I wanted to do after a 72-hour frenzy was to go back to the comfort of my bed and crash and sleep.
I had gone to the city with my then fiancé to pick and choose the stuff for our new home.
He was paying rent, and I would pay all that the house needed: Everything else.
We spent Friday walking endlessly and taking notes of all we would get.
Along came Saturday, and it was the day we got to Ikea. We tried so many mattresses, sofas… It took all day long to get all the essentials; we arranged delivery for the following weekend.
We sat on our way out to grab some Ikea coffee to get some energy, and we saw this man with a young boy buying a week’s worth of Ikea’s hot dogs. We were next in line, and I heard him talk to his son. He was unemployed, and they didn’t know when they could come across such a cheap meal, so they were stocking up.
They sat there, on a table next to us. I felt bad for them. I went to an outside atm and came back with some money. I was about to break down in tears, so my ex handed them the cash in a more serene matter. The man assured him that it was going to be all for his kid. He told him ‘make sure to feed yourself too’.
We went home, counting our blessings one by one. It could have been any of us.
We ordered pizza and watched Netflix.
On Sunday, my friend who was pregnant and lived nearby invited us for lunch, but I declined since my ex wanted some more quality time.
We went to visit a Sunday Bazaar and then had lunch in the empty apartment.
I was meant to go back to my hometown early.
I had stuff to do (that at that time felt it was important), and I needed some unwinding.
We got to the train station, and there was a strike, and services were reduced to the minimum.
He then asked me to stay for the night, but I declined. I was busy, and in four days we would see one another again.
We went to pick up a latte from Starbucks and went to spend some time on top of a Roman aqueduct: El Pont del diable.
In there, he got a message from a girl named Anna. I asked who she was since I didn’t recognize this name after so many years. He said she was nobody. I didn’t pay much attention and proceeded with the conversation normally.
It got late and unless we rushed I would miss the train.
He asked me once again to spend the night. I declined again.
We got to the train station and ran without even a hug: I would miss the train otherwise.
‘Call me when you get home’ He said.
‘Sure! See you on Thursday!’
And Thursday never arrived.
I arrived at my hometown and two days later we learned on the news that we were forbidden to move from where we were. Literally.
I was trapped.
Friday arrived and the delivery of a truck-load of furniture was unloaded into my apartment in the city.
I would never see that furniture.
Two months in the process, this woman named Anna, moved into my place, using all that I had so carefully picked and slept in the bed I paid for.
I learned about it all a few weeks later, still trapped in this small town feeling powerless.
Surely, they broke up not long after and he dared to want to come back with me.
I simply closed that chapter.
But had I know what the future had in store (Covid-19), I would’ve never gone to Ikea.
I would have gone to meet my best friend, whom I haven’t been able to visit yet, and would have spent some quality time with her.
I would’ve allowed the train to leave without me and would have spent just one more night. Without rushes.
I wasn’t that busy, to begin with. Nobody was dying. My job could wait for another day and double the effort with an extra shot of espresso.
And as the world and my soul went into a comatose state, I fought hard.
I swam against the biggest rapids, and I survived.
I survived: Despite it all.
One year later, I have learned a big lesson:
Nobody is that busy, ever.
You can always squeeze some quality time for the ones who matter.
Work can wait.
I am never going to sleep holding a grudge on anyone anymore.
I now speak my feelings.
I make sure to tell the ones I love that I love them.
I count the days until I can go and hug a long list of people.
Whenever I have a bad day, I do my best to make it better.
Unless I am dying, I make time to reach the ones I care for: even if it is through FaceTime.
I am not a perfect being, but I do my best.
Because all we have is TODAY.
Nowadays, more than ever, I have learned that tomorrow is never granted.
Not everything depends on me, but I can give my best on what does depend on me.
And I am on a mission to make everyday count.
